if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
