i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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