i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
