i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
