How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your cock deserves a montage
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
