Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
