elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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