we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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