He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
