cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
