Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
