I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
