i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just found puke in my bra..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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