I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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