When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
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Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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