god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
