Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
