I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
