It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I stole a fireplace last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
