If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
