I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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