So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
