I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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