No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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