u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
