apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
