I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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