This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
