I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
