I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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