Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
