Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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