I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
