nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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