I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
jump out the window naked night went bad
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
