Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
