I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
