I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
