if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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