Me. At least after what I've been through.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
