We're facebook friends in real life
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
