nut hugger
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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