I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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