remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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