I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
