What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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