she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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