I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
