I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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