I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
