so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
