I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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