so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
