Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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