bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
