i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
