if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
