He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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