I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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