i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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