So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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