my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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