i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
