What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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