she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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