That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
