I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
