how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
