my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
