Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think i have two assholes
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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